As of today, my fiction writing career (if I ever had one), is over. Instead, I have made the decision to write specifically about recovery. On July 5th of the coming year, it will have been 20 years since I was sexually assaulted by a kid I knew since my childhood. I have mentioned it in this blog here, and will continue to mention it from time to time, but my book will outline the process of recovering from something like this in much greater detail than my blogs will offer.
Enter Giving up on Butthurt, a creation of mine that will not only reveal my opinion on what I am calling our newfound “victim and collectivist culture” (you can read about some of that here), but it will also provide controversial, practical, and even humorous (yes, this is possible) actionable steps on how someone can recover from being sexually abused. I will be using this tutorial of sorts to self publish it.
Butthurt will also highlight the themes of two other books I’ll be writing as well, which will not be released on the blog until only weeks before they come out. I am very excited to begin my journey into being a self-published author, and I really don’t care about making money (although that is a goal of mine).
That being said, allow me to share the prologue of the book, which will be published (even if it is extremely short in length), on July 5th, 2018. Enjoy!
Sorry if the indents are inconsistent. I directly copy and pasted this from my word processor.
I left my friend with benefits’ place in a state of confusion. She just sat there and watched as her girlfriend belligerently demanded that I fool around with her, even though she was clearly drunk; I did not feel comfortable with fooling around with her. We were not even paying attention to the football game that was on. It would be my last time with both. It was December, and for me, that meant it was time to either get serious with the woman I was currently dating, or take time off from the opposite sex altogether.
I chose the latter. Neither of these women were girlfriend material for me, especially after the events that just took place. On the drive home, I pondered the last few months. It was unfortunate that the school semester just ended, because I wanted to tell the counselor I was seeing about this. I was glad I was still able to go to class, seeing as I could not pay for the entire class. I signed up for the exact same class for the next semester, promising to save up for it. I had already saved up for two thirds of it.
I got back to my apartment. It was cold. I put on some wrestling, and looked over my short story draft for class with it in the background. The instructor was right, my story was predictable. It did use a lot of tropes. It really only was worthy of an 85, which I did not mind. In all speculation, I probably got another 85 on the final revision.
My story, then entitled What I Could Have Been, was about two boys who were raised in a troubled household, with a neglectful, depressed father whose wife left him, and his sister, who was extremely abusive and would sexually abuse the two boys. One of them, Grant, runs away from home and makes a new life for himself, co-owning a downtown hotspot with a friend who helps him survive after he runs away from home. The other, Garrett, stays at home, flounders and works different odd jobs for several years, then gets a job as a janitor and stays at that job until he meets Grant, who begins a dating coaching business.
I want to address two things in my fiction writing: The observation that it is not just men who are capable of sexual assault, and that dating coaches are not as evil as the public eye paints them. I have learned quite a bit from dating coaches, but I do understand why the mainstream dislikes them. And it is true that you do need to choose very carefully what information should be taken seriously and what should not be taken seriously from dating coaches.
Currently, our culture is taking a turn where women are treated like objects of esteem more than objects of physical pleasure, with their safety being prioritized. I am observing that while the safety of a woman is prioritized, it ignores the safety of men. Although I do believe that women receive better general treatment than men in our current culture, I also argue that this is negligible in anyone’s quest for freedom, happiness, and success. There was a time where men received better general treatment than women in our culture, but that certainly did not stop certain women from being free, happy, and successful.
The drunk, horny, and belligerent woman who straddled me and ordered me to fool around with her was not the only one who sexually assaulted me. The first time was performed by another drunk, horny, and belligerent person who was, at the time, a childhood friend. I will detail what he did in a different part. Both events left me with feelings of shame, confusion, and despair, especially as a man experiencing them. Although women have many more resources and much more “public support” than men do when it comes to this, I imagine that they do not have an easy time as well. Although I am speaking from a heterosexual man’s perspective, this book is designed for anyone of any gender and sexual orientation who has been sexually abused by anyone, family, friend, authority figure, or even total strangers. If this is you, and you are reading this book, I will always be in your corner.
As for why this book is called Giving up on Butthurt and why it has a drawing of a person (me) with a gunmetal gray flag stuck up his ass on the cover (not pictured yet, I’m still arranging for someone to draw it), that is because I have learned to laugh at the horrifying things that have happened to me, and I have done that by seeing nothing but gray areas in the things I encounter. That is what the gunmetal gray flag represents. As you read the pages of this book, one of my goals is to get you to give up on overvaluing certain things, learn to laugh at bad things that have happened to you, work diligently to improve yourself as a person, and most importantly, do not use your being sexually assaulted as a rationalization to lash out at others, either online or in person.
This book will also be somewhat autobiographical, providing my own commentary as a 35-year old man on decisions I have made in response to things that have happened to me. One section of this book will be entitled “The Stupid Eightfold Path: 8 of my Worst Regrets,” where I provide a humorous commentary on some stupid decisions I made, or good decisions that I should have made but did not. Many recovery books that I have read tend to have an overwhelming sense of gloom, followed up by methods that appear too far-fetched, unrealistic, or irrelevant. I imagine recovery books on the subject of sexual abuse would be the same way (and I have not seen many).
Giving up on Butthurt will not be a boring book to read. But it will not be easy to read either, especially if you are acting the way a victim of sexual abuse is programmed (I expect many to stop reading, hit up Amazon, and write a really bad review after reading that section). It will be highly interactive as well, containing some participation on your part. Because I believe that we learn by image as well as words, this book will contain illustrations that depict certain points that I want to drive home.
My decision to give up on butthurt was not easy to make, and it took a very long time. My hope for those who are reading this is that you make the decision to give up on butthurt in an easier way, and in a shorter time, than me.