I Just Got A New Job, And I’m Not Happy About It

The last two months of this year have not been going well for me. My discipline is at an all time low, I am not as motivated as I should be, and I am very much overwhelmed by the steps I need to take to succeed in my path to developing many sources of location independent income.

When last month ended, I paid for my lack of discipline: Literally. During the summer, I decided to take some time off of working, learning how to make money playing blackjack in the process. In the last six or so months, posts have slowed down at this blog. As I mentioned in a previous post, your discipline takes several hits when you take time off, and if you take too much time off, which is what I did, it has very bad unintended consequences.

Among the worst of these unintended consequences is my lack of discipline. I have gambled away more money in the last six weeks than probably the last six years combined, pouring thousands of dollars into slot machines and blackjack tables. This was fine when I had money to spare; but for the last couple of months, this has not been the case. Although I am not decisively behind on my expenses, I am not as up to date on them as I would like to be.

Another thing I began doing in the last year or so, besides starting my blogs, is working from home as a freelancer. In the spring and summer of this year, I had a legitimate freelancing job that paid me about a third less than my retail job. I was able to work whenever I wanted whenever I wanted: I was given assignments, sure, but no real deadline. I enjoyed that “job.” I was able to work at home without dealing with people all the time or punching a time clock. And while it did not pay as much as I preferred, it showed me that it was possible to work from home and make a couple hundred dollars a week. No time clock, no commute, no boss, no patrons, no inconvenience. I was literally working wherever I wanted. There was one day where I worked on an assignment at the beach. I was fighting back tears of joy when I did this; I had finally got a glimpse of the freedom I had always been obsessed with.

But then, around August, something happened: I stopped getting assignments, ending my first work from home job. I did not think this was tragic at the time, because I had savings to live off of for awhile and was ready to take some time off things. And as I mentioned above, I took this time off too far. I originally wanted to take August and September off developing my income streams, but that time off stretched into October and November. Not good.

Because I am still relatively new to working from home and do not know how to reliably acquire a job where I work from home, I had to get a traditional job (what I call a “time clock” job). Now I have no problem with anyone who wants to get a job like this; I feel sorry for those who rely on it as their only source of income, and feel even more sorry for those who do it full time. I lucked out on my last job; I was able to walk to my job (only needing to drive to it for about 8 or so months when I lived too far to walk), I was generally self supervised and the environment was never too serious or structured. But structured it still was, and it was everything that I wanted to get away from.

So I just started a new job (that only lasts about a month or so) today? Like my last job, it is not full time, and it is not heavily structured. And it pays slightly more. I should be happy, right?

No. I am not happy. Yes, it is good that I finally have a continuous source of income again, but it is not the right continuous source of income. It does not fit with my values or my principles, which revolve heavily around freedom. I’ll take it, but I won’t enjoy it.

Furthermore, my acquiring of this job reveals to me that I need to work heavily on the things that hold me back the most if I want to enjoy freedom while also being somewhat successful. If I do not address these things, I will not be able to enjoy the freedom I am obsessed with. I had a taste of it for a few months this year. And it is something I desire again, and it is something I know I will need to work towards. I did not acquire the work-from-home job in March because of any of my merits, I am willing to admit that. I got lucky. So now it is time for me to acquire a work-from-home job because of my merits, as well as develop a few other sources of location based income.

If I cannot do this, I will not be able to enjoy the freedom I crave so much, and I certainly will not be happy in the long term.