January has arrived, meaning my time off the opposite sex, which typically lasts for the entire month of December (and sometimes the entire winter season), is now over. And now it is time for me to begin pursuing romance again. One thing I that I have discovered, that many do not really know about or accept, is that there are more opportunities to begin a romantic relationship than ever. Seriously, finding someone to be romantic with has pretty much become like shopping nowadays. Thanks to numerous online dating websites and apps that are available to anyone who possesses a smartphone or a PC, combined with a more open discourse among the public regarding DSR (Dating, Sex, Relationships) than ever before in history, it has never been easier to find someone to be romantic with, provided you have the right mentality towards it all.
I have encountered five ways you can meet people who you want to date and be romantic with. Like with most of my other DSR related articles, this applies towards any heterosexual person. If you are an LGBT you can also use this advice, but keep in mind that I understand there are possibly different dynamics with LGBTs vs heterosexual people, and I do not have enough experience interacting with LGBTs to be an authority on this subject.
That being said, here we go. I will also be writing intimately about each of these in detail, and what exactly to do to succeed in each, in later posts.
Hunting Ground #1: Close social circle
This is how most people, to this day, envision how they would like to meet their ideal partner. In a social circle, you meet potential partners directly through friends or family. This is still an effective way to meet potential partners, and the likelihood of you dating and being romantic is extremely high. Every woman I have met through a friend or a family member has enjoyed my company and has had sex with me. So those are the good things about it. Here are the bad things about it: If you only hunt via social circle, your options will run dry quickly. Because of the pressure involved with the environment (especially if they are part of crush culture), you will catch feelings fast, and you know what that means. Also, your expectations (and likely the partner’s) will be thrown out of whack. And lastly, be ready for high school to NEVER end if you hunt via social circle. You will always be paranoid about what your buddies and family will think of you if something happens between you and your partner.
Hunting Ground #2: Distant social circle
This is a form of social circle that isn’t limited to friends or family, and where one common thing brings everybody together. In a distant social circle, large groups are brought together and are bound to one or two things. Meeting someone at school, a religious institution, patrons at your job (but NOT co-workers!!!!) or any other such setting are good examples of meeting someone at a community, or a distant social circle. This is a much better alternative to social circle, as there is not as much pressure and you have more options. However, the same kind of circumstances apply; reputation will still have a lot of agency. That being said, this can be very effective, especially if you are seen as high value in said communities. Also, potential partners are not simply handed to you with the distant social circle; you will need some communication and invitation skills.
Hunting Ground #3: Online
Online dating has blown up in only 15 or so short years, and shows no signs of slowing down. Roughly 75% of all my romantic experiences with the opposite sex in the last five years have been from online dating. Dating websites and apps on your phone give you nearly endless options when it comes to the opposite sex. And it is very easy to make a profile and begin hunting. However, online dating organizations have begun to catch onto this, and are now making their members pay for certain services (revealing more people in your location, making your profile more visible, etc). However, these memberships are inexpensive and you can end them whenever you want. The one thing about online dating is that you need to work hard to meet people live, and your appearance plays a major factor. You will learn very fast how attractive you really are in terms of appearance when you take on online dating and it can be humbling for some. Because I am average in terms of appearance, I am much more likely to attract (traditionally) average, homely, or unattractive women than very attractive women online. But every now and then I will meet up with a chick I find attractive online.
Hunting Ground #4: Live Cold Approaching, public places (aka: Day Game)
Ahh, good old “day game,” as dating coaches in the 2000s called it. There was a point in my life where I was obsessed with this. I still take on it from time to time. In this method, you approach people you see when you are in a public place that is not an entertainment venue (like a store, or gym or something), have a conversation with them, then invite them somewhere. If you want to take on live cold approaching, you MUST have a decent appearance, excellent social skills and crackerjack awareness this way you are not seen as an attacker if you are a man. If you are a woman and you want to cold approach, you must protect yourself in case you get attacked. Live cold approaching is not for the timid. It takes, as Alec Baldwin says in the movie Glengarry Glen Ross, brass balls to walk up to someone you do not know, start a conversation with them, not creep them out or bore them, then invite them somewhere. Like online dating, you must be able to eat hundreds of rejections when doing this.
Hunting Ground #5: Live Cold Approaching, entertainment venues (aka: Night Game)
This is what the dating coaches that enjoyed popularity in the late 00s called “Night Game.” But it can really take place at any entertainment venue where people are designed to socialize and enjoy themselves. Dating coaches tend to only include bars and night clubs in this category, but even venues such as barbecues, shows, casinos, and even conventions can be considered an entertainment venue. A lot of these are also organically tied in with a distant social circle, which give you a major spike in social value. The guidelines in entertainment venues are very much the same as in public places, only there is a major emphasis on how much social value you have (or appear to have). If you are nervous, get intimidated by attractive members of the opposite sex, and worry too much (or too little) about what others think of you, avoid cold approaching in entertainment venues.
So which hunting ground is best for you? Which one should you focus on?
Of course, the answer to this depends on how experienced you are in romance and how your personality is. I’ll say one thing right now: Anyone who has been intimate (performed a sexual act) with less than 10 people and are over the age of 25 need to consider all five. This is something I did not do, and it held me back greatly in terms of experience. Up until I discovered online dating three years ago, I relied mostly on live cold approaching to develop my love life. When I discovered online dating, it represented one additional avenue to improve my love life, and because of it, everything else got that much better.
In terms of the social circle hunting grounds, I am strongly against using them as a solitary hunting ground. Why is that? If you rely on it too much, and become needy and desperate, you will be seen as “that guy/girl” in your social circles who always tries (and fails) to get with people in said social circles. Because your options are limited in social circles, you’ll be needy by nature if you select either one (close or distant) as a solitary hunting ground. However, they should never NOT be a hunting ground.
If you are not as outgoing as you would like to be, choose online as a main hunting ground. Spend the majority of your “hunting” time e-approaching people online and working on your online dating profiles. If you have lots of DSR experience, you can place live cold approaching on the back burner.
If you are outgoing and think “online dating is a scam,” then make your distant social circle your main hunting ground (this should be no problem if you have tons of buddies), but also make live cold approaching (both of them) your main hunting grounds. If you are outgoing and refuse to do any online dating, you’ll need to systematically try to meet people cold, join their social circles, and introduce them to yours. Then you invite them places after everyone has mingled, thereby giving you social proof, and giving them a reason to do stuff with you. THIS is how meeting people in cold approaches is done WITHOUT luck being a factor.
Anything other kind of success in live cold approaching is completely based on luck. If you want to strictly do live cold approaching, you will need to get used to inviting lots of people places all of the time, and expect less than 1 out of 100 to agree to do something with you.
To finish this off, allow me to tell you my hunting ground setup.
Online is my main hunting ground. I spend the most time here, whether it is online dating websites or online dating apps. I spend a couple hours a week “liking” and messaging chicks. If I spend a lot of time and effort on this, I can usually get a chick on a date and have sex with her within 1-2 weeks. Last year, all of my DSR success came from meeting women online. I’m expecting the same this year.
After that, I utilize my close social circle, who I also happen to go to entertainment venues with all of the time. So while I’m drinking and singing karaoke with them, I’m also chatting with strangers and getting them to hang out with my buddies, which then grants a distant social circle.
On the back burner are live cold approaching, in both cases. Being a regular blackjack player, I go to casinos quite a bit. While I am at said casinos, I work on my cold approaching skills. If I run into someone I like in these places, I will chat with them and try to invite them somewhere. I have also been doing the same in my bowling leagues, but that counts more to distant social circle than anything else.
Many people who are single usually do not have a plan or a system to meet others. And that is because they usually only know of, or are only willing to invest time and effort in, 1 or 2 of these hunting grounds. If you have been single for a long time, or are inexperienced, I recommend you put in a little bit of effort into each one. If you do, your love life will improve.